I chose to write it in English, 'cauze I don't want my mom and dad to read this and get worried.

 

Yesterday around noon I went to LAX to pick up Qiushuang and her mom. As Qiushuang's flight had already landed by the time I set out, I really wanted to hurry.

 

I took Freeway 405 entering from Sunset Blvd, only to realize that it was all packed with traffic. I grew increasingly impatient crawling in the traffic, so I decided to take Wilshire exit and go local.

 

The Wilshire West exit was a big turnaround. I knew I shd slow down there, and I remember I did, but probably not enough. It was hot and sunny, and the early afternoon sunshine was dazzling my eyes. For one second, I thought I dozed off. The next second when I got back to consciousness, I found my car running towards the fence on the left. My first natural reaction was to brake abruptly and turn the wheel to the right. Now you may already know what had happened...Yea, my car drifted and spinned quickly with its head turning towards the right...

 

...I was totally scared and blanked...and yet came my second stupid reaction. This time I turned the wheel to the left while my right foot was still firmly pressing the brakes. Now it spinned all the way to the left and came to a sudden full stop. Then I was like having my car blocking the whole exit route, waiting for the next car to come and hit me. I could feel a car approaching and I thought I'd die...

 

Fortunately, that car was slow and it stopped far enough. As soon as I came to a slight relief, I gave a thank-you gesture to the drive and quickly fled away...

 

The scenary kept replaying itself in my mind later on my way to the airport. I forced myself to calm down and concentrate on driving. Now that I recall then, I still could not help feeling scared...

 

On that afternoon, when I was driving Qiushuang and Aunty around and we were talking and laughing in the car, I always reminded myself to drive carefully and safely. Qiushuang even realized and commented that I really focused...Sorry Qiushuang, I could not tell you then about what had happened earlier, 'cauze I did not wanna make you worried...

 

Actually I had been told by Xiaoyu several times earlier (and once by Sara too) when Xu Weilun died in that car accident, that when the accident is about to happen, especially when you are speeding on freeway, never turn the wheel too wide while braking hard!! Even I myself understood how the car would go out of control and would make the matter even worse...But at that critical moment I was all in blank and just did not seem to remember...

 

One night before, while I was talking with Jia on phone, her last word to me was 'Drive Safe'...I felt so sorry that I did say that 'I know' so heartly and soly... 

 

Here I would like to warn, with my own horrible experience, all of dear you who drive, that always pay 100% attention when driving! Never feel too good and take risk! And try as hard as you can, in face of accident, NEVER NEVER NEVER make wide turn while braking hard!

 

In spite of this nightmare, I was feeling really happy having a reunion with Qiushuang and Aunty! We had great fun on Venice Beach and we had taken lots of good pictures. I'll write about it in a seperate blog and upload pictures.

 

Take very good care! 

在整理这些日子拍过的照片，于是也来除除草。

 

距离上次更新（不包括贴歌词）的日期，不知不觉的，日子又一天天溜走了不少。我呢，依旧老样子。上课，泡实验室，尽管老板成天在外，免不了偶尔钻空子偷懒，却也基本在本分老实的当学生；朋友们安排的大大小小的plan，我也不亦乐乎的参与，音乐会逛街吃饭看片，虽没啥新玩意，却是常试常新的乐趣，健康有效的维系着我们之间的connection；就这样，还是剩下来很多我一个人要打发的时间，我于是常去gym踩踏板机，也举举杠铃，懒的时候发发呆，想想事儿。

 

这个quarter，两个我非常亲密的朋友离开了校园，一个没再见面，另一个仍在LA平日里却也很难得见着，所以我静下来想事儿时，就很容易往悲伤的方向走。我不是第一次面对这样子的离别，却还是很明显地感到我生活中空白出来了一大片。我跟人说，想念可以是开心的，那大多出于安慰，在习惯和无奈之前它肯定是悲伤的。好在生活在变，我们在变，但大体上都是往前往好在发展，这样想着，我们就能从无奈转为积极地去适应某些转变。就像所有在异乡留学之人总是叫嚷的孤独，未必就真可怕。最近我发现一个人可以enjoy的事情其实好多，秘诀在于，要留些兴致给自己。

 

某个周日的下午，原本打算闷在实验室，突然一个念头上来，想兜风看景，于是叫上一个喜欢大自然的朋友，沿着蜿蜒的SUNSET，去了这么一处幽静美丽之地——Lake Shrine。LA漂亮的地方不少，可我从没想到在学校附近就有这么一处安静。想起以前在浙大，西湖也只有10分钟的车程，去得多的时候却是在大四要毕业前。那时候晚上会慢慢散步过去，在黑暗中依稀分辨出荷叶，听着蛙叫；或者在苏堤租一脚踏车，一路吹着初夏清凉的晚风。那是一段很舒服惬意的日子，当时已经拿到出国offer，自以为尘埃落定。所以我说，那天下午，我逃开的不是实验室，而是不够平静的心境。

 

上一个大的假期，就是memorial day，我难得动了积极性，组织大伙去Griffith park。邀请邮件里list了好多收件人，发觉能够和自己分享美好时光的人其实好多。在别人快乐的时候被人记起会很开心，原来自己可以记起这么多人也会有同样的感受。那天天气有点阴阴，我看完planetarium show之后就一直昏昏沉沉，后来参观展览时还突然响火警警报，一行人不得不离开。但大伙都给足我面子，说尽了兴。最难得的是，Geoffrey也来了。记忆里这小子在初中时就老‘欺负’我，好多年之后，再见面时，仍然领教了他的顽皮。只是每次和非常‘老’的老朋友，就像这位初中的（快10年了有没有？）再碰面，再次聊以前的事情和同学，都觉得自己老了一截。是不是女生到了这个岁数都特别敏感？还好我现在和幼儿园的小老朋友们都没联系啦，要不然有的打击受。。。当然除去这个傻念头，能够再次碰上老朋友还一起玩，是有够开心的。

 

memorial day之后，接着是international student fellowship弄的一个banquet，然后到UC Santa Babara开会。

 

再接下来的日子就暗无天日了。我这学期修了一门circuit design的课，不是要求修的，只是那位牛教授马上要回巴基斯坦报效祖国三年，我想想就抢在他走之前修来for fun。听他授课确实enjoyable，可是到了期末要做design project就开始感到painful啦。也怪自己贪玩，拖到最后一个星期前才动手。不过昏天暗地的熬了一周，交出report的时候却颇有成就感；发觉以前上王晓海gg的电子课，最后交上的design真是混得够呛。。。值得说的是，在昏天暗地的那几天，几个朋友总是来关心询问；有远方友人在msn上催我睡觉；有一天凌晨回家还意外收到一个朋友在UCSB开会时偷偷寄来的明信片，哇，所有这些，对那时候吃不好睡不足的我可是不小的安慰。。。

 

我看事情大概是越来越悲观，我觉得没有人有义务记得你和记得关心你，所以如果被记起了就要珍惜和感恩。我以前曾经take这些for granted，我认为对我而言自然而然的事情，对别人也应该一样。加上我看剧情片中毒，喜欢在生活里添些drama。然后，我做了一些傻事，报了一些期望，得到一些其实可以避免的伤害。好在，我在慢慢学着想开，学着放弃，学着珍惜。

 

日子不是白白地溜过的，它总在慢慢教会你一些东西。

 

今天这个日子也有够特别，是我某位‘亲爱的’龟朋友大寿。她不接我电话；我就趁着在这里还可以写几句的劲头，祝她生日快乐，憨福满满！3天前，我亲爱的老婆生日，我只能发邮件祝福，希望没有减分。再过两天又是我另一个‘亲爱的’的寿辰，去前她在法国，今年终于回国，却还是不能一起庆祝。想想距离真挺可恨的，难得的是，我们“亲爱的”都是有心人。